Tuesday, August 4, 2009
Tuesdays with Dorie this week is brought to us by Mary, The Food Librarian, who chose the Classic Banana Bundt Cake. I was so happy when I saw this was her choice this week because I have been waiting, and waiting for someone to choose it! I made the bundt cake last year sometime and it was by far the best banana cake I've ever had. I loved the lemony icing on it as well.
This time I decided to make myself some banana babycakes and they were just as heavenly and good as I remember. This cake is moist, tender, light, fluffy and flavorful. It has a wonderful banana flavor and isn't too sweet. The tang of the lemon frosting is a really lovely accent.
As some of you already know, we have another reason around our house to think in baby sized portions - I am **surprise** pregnant again and expecting baby number 3. I'm due next March, which frankly, with my track record means who-in-the-heck-knows when I may have this baby. (Five days late the first time, 7 1/2 weeks early the second).
While we are both very happy about another addition to our family, it did come as quite a shock and surprise. We were 'preventing' another pregnancy and let's face it, I'm no fertile-myrtle (it took 2 years of trying to get pregnant with both other pregnancies). So, since I had my doctor's appointment to explore my permanent options all scheduled with my doctor, all we can think is that this was just meant to be and we have another little family member waiting to join us.
I won't lie and say that my initial reaction was positive. There. I said it. This is a very mixed up feeling. While this baby is very, very wanted... this pregnancy was not. I am sick. Ill. Exhausted. In short - a total train wreck. Sadly, this is the condition (only worsening) that I spend my entire pregnancies in. So, while most are giving us glad tidings, that was not my initial response. I absolutely freaked out. Complete and total panic. All I thought was - "I can't do this again!!" The thought of going through another pregnancy so sick, then having it end in another NICU experience due to HELLP's Syndrome (which I will more than likely have again) absolutely terrifies me. Completely. Most of the time I am keeping the panic in check... but not lately.
While I am trying to keep it together and keep life on an even keel, fate is not helping matters AT ALL. My short-lived zen was rudely destroyed this past Friday when I was also laid off from my job - basically the only job I had any hope of holding down (no pun with my sickness intended, but there you go) during this pregnancy and the long recovery that will come after it. (I was working from home doing marketing for a financial planning firm). Basically, the company I work for answers to another company above them who has decided to in effect create their own marketing department, tell the agents they must use that department, and therefore inadvertently obliterate my job. Awesome.
My point, my lovely friends is this. I don't know what the heck I'm going to do, but I'm not giving up on my happy place here. No matter what. I may not be posting as much since it is really tough to get in the kitchen right now, but I will be here as much as I can and don't want to lose this too. I may not be as happy or positive as I've tried hard to be in the past, but I don't think any of you will begrudge me that.
The outpouring of support I've received from this community already has been amazing and uplifting, so please, keep coming back. I love you all!